“You don’t deserve to be happy”
“Why are you such a loser?”
“Why can’t you get anything right?”
“Your life is Going Down the Toilet”
“You have Just Fucked that Right Up”
This is the type of shitty feedback I get to listen to all the time. If these put-downs were coming from a boss, I could probably sue for mental abuse. If a ‘friend’ launched this level of negativity against me, I’d get angry and never speak to him/her again – if it was a weaker guy, I might even be tempted to punch him on the nose. I’m not a doormat – I’d normally take action if somebody was abusing me in this way. The problem is I can’t do any of that in this situation because the abuse is coming from my own brain.
I Only Treat You So Badly Because I Love You So Much
Even violent domestic abusers are able to justify their appalling behavior. These people can beat the living crap out of their partners, but then claim they are only doing it because they love that person so much. It is obvious this justification is complete bollocks, but if the victim has low self-esteem, it can sound reasonable enough. The same thing happens with self-hatred. I can bully myself into despair but justify this by claiming I’m just trying to be motivational.
I use these bullying tactics because I just don’t trust myself. Self-hatred goes hand in hand with self-doubt. I’ve somehow picked up the idea that if I don’t treat myself like shit, I’ll become lazy and underachieve. It doesn’t occur to me that the reason I lack motivation and fail to achieve my goals is this bullying. Self-hatred makes it impossible to succeed in life because even when things are going well, I’m going to have an excuse to berate myself.
The Importance of Self-Trust
I don’t claim to be any type of expert, but it does seem to be that people who do well in life usually have a high degree of self-trust. I’m not just talking here about entrepreneurs who are successful financially – it also applies to those who enjoy significant inner contentment most of the time (that’s the real achievement in life as far as I’m concerned).
Self-hatred consumes too much energy. This is probably why depressed people need to spend so much time in bed. It’s hard to make much progress when I’m always second-guessing my actions and making negative predictions. It’s just too draining. When I trust myself, I can put all my energy into making what I’m doing work. It also makes it easier to take chances because I’m less likely to berate myself into depression if I fail.
Here’s the bottom line – there is no reason for me not to trust myself. If achieving a goal is important enough to me, I’ll try my best to make it happen. I can’t do any more than this. It doesn’t matter how much self-hatred I add into the equation, it’s not going to make my best any better – it can only make things much worse.
How to Trust Yourself and Succeed in Life
• Don’t waste energy on self-doubt and self-criticism
• Understand that self-trust is going to free up your energy
• Remember you can only do your best – no amount of self-criticism can make you do more than this
• Avoid second-guessing yourself after you have taken action – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t learn from your mistakes
• Treat yourself with compassion when you fail
• The fact that you have made it this far in life means that you must be doing something right – don’t you deserve a little bit more trust?